Boneyard
by Vergil Creiger
Summary: Answer to a challenge by Fenris187. Some people called him a graverobber, a madman, a demon. So long as he had fresh bodies to fuel his undead armies, he didn't much care. NOT YAOI!
1. It's Alive!

The cold shadows drifted in the cavernous chamber. Huge pieces of inactive machinery squatted like waiting monsters. The ground, shadowed by their ominous presence, was littered with human bones. Each skull, each rib, each femur, each bone of every type in that room gleamed in what little light they had, polished as they were to perfection. Only the centre of the room was clear, a patch of ground containing a huge, locked trap door. Far above, a circular opening revealed looming storm clouds, moody and black, rolling angrily overhead. Thunder without lightning boomed through the dark room.

"It is time."

A tall figure stepped out of the shadows, his long coat the same color as the bones beneath his feet. He snapped his fingers, and the bones began to move. Filling the room with a hair raising skittering sound they reassembled themselves, until a small army of skeletal minions cluttered the room. The sockets where eyes once were gazed soullessly at the tall figure. "Begin the experiment!" he shouted, flinging his arm to the side dramatically. "It's showtime!"

Immediately his minions set to work, sending the godless machines whirring into life. Light and noise filled the air as the thunderstrokes became louder and fewer in between. In the thick of it all the figure waded through the chaos, bellowing instructions left and right.

"Prime secondary and tertiary generators! Maintain power output at seventy three percent! Max cooling gauge at the quicksilver tank!" The figure paused, swiveling a full three sixty before shouting, "And where in the name of everything sharp and pointy is Igor!"

"Here Doctor!" called a bent, muscular figure standing on a high-up piece of metal scaffolding. "Final preparations are complete! The specimen is ready!"

"Excellent!" boomed the Doctor. "Clear the the lift!" As the few skeletons standing on the trap door hurried out the way, the tall figure crouched down and curled his fingers under the edges of the hatch. In a tremendous display of strength, the Doctor tore the door free of its lock, the huge sheet of metal flipping upwards to lean against the glowing machine behind it. "Bring her up!"

Igor stumped to the wall and wrapped his gnarled hands around a large breaker switch. His long arms flexing, it took most of his weight to drag it down. He and the Doctor both went quiet as the subject was raised up. A reclining figure, upon a surgeon's table, upon a circular platform. A large blanket of chainmail was draped across its form, and dozens of cables came from beneath only to end blank at the platform's edge. Igor's eyes met those of the Doctor, and saw the other man was wearing one of his rare, crazed grins.

"Raise the towers!" the taller man thundered, and threw himself against an oversized lever, Igor and a few of the more strapping skeletons following suit. As the many levers about the room were pulled, the corresponding towers dotted across the countryside rose up in response. Slowly spearing upwards, the wrought black monstrosities were like great skeletal fingers reaching towards the sky, an insult to life, to death, and to god himself. Together they were like a forest of metal teeth, their roots a network of interlocking cables leading to Doctor's lair.

"...hmhmhmhmhmhm... hahahahahaha... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" screamed the Doctor, his crazed laughter drowning out even the storm itself. And then the lift finished its ascent, the circular platform slotting easily into the opening overhead and the dead end cables connecting smoothly to their counterparts. Darker than death, the chamber fell silent. The Doctor's laughter, Igor's grunts, even the clinking of skeletal bones ceased.

The world held its breath.

The room lit up as the lightning started, illuminated by the many conductors as they began to glow with energy. The sky exploded, the rain of lightning so thick and so numerous it was like a solid wall of light, a bright curtain falling to be absorbed by the many black spires below. Tens of thousands of volts were torn out of the air, dragged through the wires and forced into the form below the shroud. Before the Doctor could start laughing again, Igor began to shout.

"All towers functioning! Power at a hundred and forty percent! It's happening Doctor, it's happening!"

"Don't lose your head yet!" shouted the Doctor hypocritically. "Reroute power channels and moderate the energy flow, we don't want the specimen to explode! Keep the transfer stable!"

And then it happened. An explosion, just at the edge of hearing.

"What the devil was that?"

"One of the towers overloaded! Don't worry, we can still-"

One after another, the explosions continued.

"Thirty percent of towers offline! We're losing power..." Igor seemed almost in tears as he slumped to his knees. "The machine is insufficient."

The Doctor checked a large, glowing gauge to his left. "Galvanism at eighty nine percent. This could work..."

"Doc-" The Doctor leapt through the air and grabbed the edge of a section of scaffolding, flipping himself up acrobatically. He opened a hatch in the wall and jumped out, turning to run up the side of the hollow, barren hill. At the summit he hopped on top of the shrouded body and raised his hands above his head. He ignored the spider web of lightning threading the sky above. He ignored the many burning towers, the flames spreading to those yet untouched. He even ignored Igor as he begged him to stop. He just looked upwards, and muttered to himself;

"This is going to sting, isn't it?"

The clouds parted, a perfect circle of clear sky overhead. The sun had come up, and the sky beyond the cloud cover was sparkling with cheery light.

And then the clouds collapsed together. There was an almighty crash, and an opaque cylinder of pure energy plummeted towards the earth. The Doctor lit up like a christmas tree as he used his own body as a lightning rod, his bones shining through his skin at the unbelievable power being channeled down, down to the concealed shape below, and then the ground gave way, the platform fell, and he knew no more.

"...cter, Doctor!"

"Wdrftgtlp?" the Doctor mumbled, having been shaken violently awake. Igor sighed in relief.

"Are you alright, Doctor? That was quite the fall you had."

"Yeah," the taller man winced, rolling his shoulders experimentally. His hair was a bit frazzled, but at least his clothes were specially designed to withstand this sort of thing. "Immortality hurts."

The specimen had been strapped to the table, so it hadn't fallen off. The table itself had managed to land the right way up, and the chainmail sheet had also somehow stayed in place. Igor stepped forward to pull it off.

"Wait!" said the Doctor, and held out a pair of pink rubber gloves. "Wear these."

Igor nodded seriously. "Good idea." Donning the gloves, Igor daintily removed the sheet, still crackling with residual electricity.

Fingers twitched.

Eyes flickered.

Lips breathed.

"Its alive." murmured the Doctor, as if he couldn't quite believe it. Igor sank to his knees. "Its alive!" he said again, louder this time. He flung his hands over his head and let out a howl of savage, unconstrained joy.

"ITS ALIVE!"


	2. Gate Crasher

_Many __years __earlier__..._

"Lord Sasuke!"

"Whoa!" He had barely stepped into his house when a dark figure swept him up, cradling him in their arms and dashing out the door and over the rooftops. He didn't know these people, but he knew they were Uchiha due to the insignias on their wrists. There were five of them, not counting the one who carrying him. "Huh?" he blurted, too surprised to struggle. "What's going on?"

"We're under attack!" gasped the man carrying him, the apparent leader of the little group. "The clan is being decimated, your parents are holed up in the shrine with a few survivors. We were sent to get a message to the village proper, but we were blocked-" The man cut himself off, eyes widening. "Shit!"

Both he and Sasuke were hidden in the shadow beneath a shattered veranda, while the others vanished into the bushes on the other side of the road. Not only the veranda, but many of the nearby buildings had sustained structural damage of some kind, and quite a few were on fire. It made Sasuke wonder what was attacking them.

The man was hanging like a sloth under the decking with Sasuke lying on his chest, so the younger boy didn't have a particularly clear view when the dark figure descended. It was simply a blurred, black figure, standing very still. A moment more and it vanished. The other nin began to scream, the man carrying him took off at max speed and Sasuke realized they were just a diversion.

There must have been a secret passage of some kind, for one minute they were approaching the shrine and the next they were tumbling through a dark space, before he tumbled out of the Uchiha nin's arms and into the arms of his mother, who was sobbing hysterically. His father didn't spare him a passing glance, as he was far too busy shouting orders at a few worried looking people scurrying uselessly about the room. There were some very young people, some very old people and a few civilians of both sexes. Besides the few nin his father was trying to command, that was it. The Great Uchiha Clan.

After a minute or two of being cuddled to death, Fugaku finally noticed his son's presence and pulled him roughly from his wife's embrace. "Listen to me, Sasuke." he growled. "You're going under the floorboards with a few of the younger ones, you understand? You go under and you don't make a _sound_ until the coast is clear, you under-"

The front door (which had been barricaded with everything not battened down) burst inwards. The dark figure that had killed most of Sasuke's family stepped inside. Everyone went quiet as the invader slowly cast his glare across the room, his dark, cold eyes shifting from soul to soul until finally resting on Sasuke. Those eyes were the coldest things he had ever seen.

"Big brother?" he whispered hesitantly, and Fugaku stepped in front of him protectively.

"Itachi!" snarled the clan head. "How dare you betray us, you filth!"

"Filth?" echoed Itachi, his emotionless eyes freezing his father's soul. "Me? Fair enough, I suppose."

"Itachi!" sobbed Mikoto. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because, mother, they deserved it. Because they were in my way. Because they were Uchiha. Because I wanted to test my abilities. And because, most importantly," He raised his sword, dripping red fluids onto the floor. "I felt like it."

"You weasel," snarled Fugaku, and this time he got a response. It was just a twitch of the eye, but it was there. "How dare you! Who do you think you are? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"

"I think," Itachi replied. "That I am the last Uchiha." He brought his sword into a ready stance, and the remaining ninja tensed, ready for battle. "The clan of traitors ends no-"

"Excuse me?"

Everybody froze. Like a rusty machine, Itachi slowly turned his head. Behind him an extremely short, extremely blonde young man had stepped through the door and was looking about the room with weird, detached curiosity. His hair was short and spiky, and his eyes were deep blue. He was wearing dirty white trousers with an equally dirty white t-shirt, along with brown shoes with undone laces. He was also wearing a white lab coat that was just a little too big for him, and was holding a clipboard and a pen in one hand.

The sight was burned into Sasuke's eyes forever.

"I'm here to pick up my order."

"Your... order?" Itachi repeated uncertainly, looking incredibly out of his depth.

"Yes," the blonde nodded. "The Uchiha clan was supposed to give me five Sand-nin, four Mist-nin, fourteen Cloud-nin, thirty four Rock-nin, two hundred and sixty two agents of minor villages, twelve unidentified..." Here he paused, before carefully lifting the paper to look at whatever was underneath. "And one 'Surprise'..." He looked up at Itachi and shrugged, as if to say, 'Hell if I know'.

"I'm sorry," croaked Fugaku, his tone strangled with disbelief. "But we're kind of in the middle of somethi-"

"You were role-playing, yes," said the blonde, the look on his face an insulting blend of pity and disgust.

"...What?" murmured Itachi uncertainly. He had yet to move his katana from its initial position.

"Yeah, I'd always suspected you Uchiha of freaky shit like this. But hey, whatever floats your boat. Now, about my corpses."

"Corpses?" frowned Itachi. He was ignored.

"Oh come on!" shouted Fugaku angrily. "What the hell kind of fetish would necessitate a situation like this?"

"An Uchiha fetish." said the blonde, as if there was nothing insulting or offensive about what he had just said. "But seriously now. I need the clan head's signature or else I can't-"

"That would be meaningless," hissed Itachi. "For soon I shall kill him, and take his head."

The blonde looked thoughtful. "I think I understand."

"Finally!"

"Fugaku Uchiha has died in his sleep-"

"Oh god."

"-and this weird fetish orgy you guys are about to start is supposed to help the eldest son acclimatize to his new role. Am I right?"

By this point, Fugaku's head was in his hands. Mikoto was staring at the blonde, slackjawed and very much in shock. The remaining clansmen had spent the entire discussion eyeing the traitor's weapon in fear, while Sasuke was simply watching the scene with unexplained but rising anticipation. As if at any moment, something amazing would happen.

"Thought so," nodded the blonde, taking the horrified silence as a yes. "Now. Clan head Itachi..." He held up the clipboard and proffered the pen. "Sign here, please."

Itachi looked at him for a moment more, then lowered his blade and signed where he pointed. "And here." 'scribble scribble' "And here." 'scribble scribble' "And here." 'scribble scribble' "And here." 'scribble scribble' "And here." 'scribble scribble'

There was a brief pause as he flipped the paper over. "And here, thank you." After the older boy finished signing on the final dotted line, the blonde took his pen back and cast one last look about the room. "Right, well, don't let me get in your way." He nodded politely, then stepped out of the building.

There was an incredibly awkward silence.

"Okay then," said Itachi finally. "As I was saying-"

"Hang on a second."

Itachi let the tip of his sword hit the ground as the stranger suddenly reappeared. "What now?"

"I was wondering if you'd been instated yet." he said reasonably. "After all, if you weren't then this would be illegal."

"I have," said Itachi, who was starting to get annoyed. "Now please, I'm quite busy."

"Right. Sorry." Once more, the blonde left.

"So like I was-"

"Hold it."

"What now!" snapped Itachi.

"I couldn't help but notice how many dead bodies you had lying the streets," he noted calmly. "Can I have them?"

"Knock yourself out."

"Thanks." The blonde paused before he left. "Should I draw up more paperwork?"

"No! Now leave!" Itachi snarled.

"Whoa. Sexually frustrated, much?" With this parting shot, the blonde was again out of sight.

"Right. Like I was-"

"One more thing."

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!" screamed Itachi, flinging his hands into the air.

"I was just wondering," said the blonde politely. "If anyone had offered their respects to you yet."

"...What?"

"You know, like at a shrine. I read somewhere that the first person to do so after the new head is instated gets tremendous good luck. Do you mind if I..."

"No," sighed Itachi, looking very tired. "Go on."

When respects were paid in the manner the blond had just described, the hands were clapped together with the fingers pointing upwards, then held for a moment of prayer. Itachi never even noticed that the blonde's fingers were pointed directly towards him instead.

Sasuke would later learn that the blonde had inscribed a storage seal on each fingernail of each hand. In each seal was a specially crafted bone dart, which their maker called 'Teeth'.

They weren't actual teeth, it was just what he called them. But whatever.

The storage seals were rigged in such a way that after the blonde's hands were clapped together the Teeth would be violently ejected, which made for a brutally damaging attack at close range.

Enough of them hit vital organs that Itachi was dead before he hit the ground.

There was a brief, shocked silence. "Are there any wounded?" asked the blonde. He was no longer smiling.

"What?" Fugaku jerked back to reality. "No, there's... no."

"I see." The blonde looked down at the dead prodigy one more time, then left at last. "I'll just get the ANBU then."

And that was how Sasuke met Naruto Uzumaki.


End file.
